The short-term procrastination, however, is a different animal altogether. It is the lap cat to long-term procrastination's rogue man-eating tiger.
Everyone has their daily procrastination routine. I'm not going to publicly out those people who check Entertainment Weekly every day. Instead I'll out myself: I read police blotters religiously.
These things are hysterical. As evidence, I compiled a list of events which made the police blotter during one week in a town near where I live:
7:26 a.m. Investigated a report about someone who said they were going to kill a senator and discovered it was a mentally ill person from out of state.
9:37 a.m. Responded to Blue Heron Drive for a family feud.
10:59 a.m. Report taken about the theft of a $500 fuel tank caught on video.
11:13 a.m. An employer reported being assaulted by an employee who said, “I’m sick of you dissing me.” The employee apologized and said he wouldn’t return to the business.
11:33 a.m. Responded to Islington Street for a complaint about the theft of a 30-pack of beer.
12:43 p.m. — A theft was reported on the Route 1 Bypass northbound when an elderly person forgot to pay for gas.
3:12 p.m. A Woodbury Ave. store clerk told police someone came into a store with their own ticket gun and was re-pricing items.
4:22 p.m. Responded to Summer Street for a report of a sickly raccoon drinking from puddles and staggering.
4:35 p.m. Responded to an automotive business where employees were threatened after someone’s car failed an inspection.
4:52 p.m. While responding to a 911 hang-up call, a cruiser got stuck in the snow.
5:06 p.m. — Unable to locate what a resident reported was a "very large and possibly rabid raccoon" walking around the Lawrence Street neighborhood.
6:30 p.m. A Holiday Drive resident reported items stolen from his home which he left unlocked while away for three weeks.
6:41 p.m. Were unable to locate two teen girls who were reportedly running in and out of traffic “like they had a death wish.”
8:49 p.m. A caller reported an intoxicated man with a possible broken leg in some woods.
10:34 p.m. Investigated a report about someone who seemed to be breaking into a mailbox.
10:35 p.m. Shearwater Dive resident reported a skunk trying to get into her house.
The best part about the police blotters is that you don't even have to read your own town's for a honking good time. And they never take more than 5 minutes to read unless you go digging through the archives. Reading these always starts my day off right.
Police blotter: Breakfast of Champions.