Step Away from the Pajama-Gram

If you're still in the market for a Valentine's Day gift...don't get any of these. Personally, from that list, I'd most like to receive the duct tape roses. "Would least like to receive" is a tie between any of the mentioned undergarments and that atrocious bear.

As a bonus, I would have included the animatronic gorillas that sing "Wild Thing" on the no-go list. I had an unfortunate encounter with said gorilla, so allow me to fill you in on the potential horrors of owning one of these buggers. What the little tag doesn't tell you is that eventually the control mechanism breaks and the gorilla just sings the song over and over and over. The only way to shut it up is to stuff it in a duffel bag full of pillows, or conk it on the head by swinging it ahead something metal. Neither really fill you with the "Valentine's Day spirit".

That said, if a bad Valentine's Day gift was to arrive at your workplace, a gorilla that sounds like a bad American Idol audition beats the hell out of Fundies.

This Iz How You Feelz

This is going out to everyone who's back in school for another semester's grind and/or up against some looming deadline.

Perhaps you've heard this in the recent past:


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You might also be looking a bit like this:


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You might be harboring these sorts of feelings toward your project:


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Your internal monologue sounds something like this:


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You might be doing this right this moment:


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Good luck with your LolThesiz.

Puppet "Masters" and Other Nutty Higher Education Ideas

All right folkses. Disillusioned with your program of choice? Thinking that you might rather be a balloon animal artist than a physicist? I have some suggestions, by way of CNN and Mental Floss:

Funky Degrees! Here's a little sample:

_____________________

Wood & Paper Science, North Carolina State

North Carolina State University's College of Natural Resources offers a variety of masters and doctoral programs through its Department of Wood & Paper Science.

According to the program's Web site, students' coursework can included classes on such specific topics as wood-moisture relations and lumber drying, paper physics, and wood tool design, performance, and wear.

_____________________

Well, there you have it. Points to whoever figures out which of these programs I'd be enrolled in, if I weren't happily working away in archives.

Crazy Money-Saving Strategies: Shivering Your Way to Savings

Here's a way to make your stipend stretch a little further -- just make like these people and turn off all the heat!

Interesting strategy, but I can't help but wonder if the woman who has the constantly-running toilet and perpetually-dripping faucets is recouping meaningful costs. Also, as an aside, I would like to do a post-doc at the Cyberpunk Apocalypse Writer’s Co-op.

Research Adventures, Part 2

Daring guest blogger survived Day 2 and sends us this message:

Archives Day Two:


So remember when I said that I got yelled out for setting off the security alarm? Well, the guard who in her mind rolled her eyes at me about 4,000 times yesterday actually greeted me with a smile. It was probably because I wasn’t lugging a suitcase with me, but I will say that Day Two went way smoother.


I actually made it up to the Archives room today. Not without issue, of course. Around 11, when I knew my requests had been processed, I walked up the marble staircase to the second floor. People had mentioned all about the Archives being “upstairs” so I figured that those stairs would get me somewhere. But I ended up on the mezzanine where the twin staircases met. There was nothing but an Edwardian era elevator and doors with swipe-card access. The elevator opened and two men in suits asked me if I was lost. I said I was looking for the archives room. By this time we were headed up to the 5th floor and they instructed me to hit the big button labeled 2 which would get me there, and it did.


I then spent the rest of the day engrossed in ship’s logs from the 1850s that still held the smell of the sea in them. Or maybe it was mold. Still, it was way cool. Sailors who misbehaved in the early 1850s were flogged. Sailors in the later 1850s were put in irons. When sailors got too sick and had to be taken back to the United States, they were listed as “condemned”. Not a very promising outlook if you ask me.


It’s looking like most of my research is going to be on microfilm, which is a good thing, as it’s much easier to sort through. But there is something great about the smell of an old book. Maybe I’m just sniffing too much old glue.

Research Adventures!

To give us a taste of what it is like to research in the Grand Poobah of archives, I've asked a daring guest blogger to report from the inside. Here is what she says of the start of her adventure:

National Archives in D.C.:

written by a Ph.D. student researching/writing/stressing over her dissertation.

Day One:

Things to know about the archive experience:

1) You get to go through the back door, which is cool.

2) Security is tighter than in airports. I highly advise you to bring as little as possible to the Archives since they will treat you like a moron, particularly if you really are the moron that brought your overnight bag with you.

3) If you are wearing your coat, do not remove it when passing through security. You will start to because it’s a million degrees and you know that your coat will set off the metal detector, but then they will yell at you to leave it on, then yell at you when you set off the alarm. Once you set off the metal detector, they will then use a wand and tell you that your coat set off the alarm.

4) Bring a quarter. You get to store all your stuff in huge lockers so at least if you are the moron who brings all her stuff, you can at least find a place to store it.

5) Visualize being a camel. You may not drink, eat, take off your sweater, bring a case for your computer or camera, or bring paper or writing implements into “Archive I”. Downstairs they are more relaxed, but do not even think about screwing up upstairs. More on these adventures tomorrow.

6) In all however, people are extremely helpful and just doing their job. Mr Johnson, a middle aged man wearing what looks like a Navy jacket, was particularly helpful. He determined that a big chunk of what I’m looking for is on microfilm which is great (I think) and helped me fill out the request form for the archives (see #7).

7) The archives contain enough paper that if places end to end would circle the earth 57 times. Or 57 million times. Or something like that. This is a big place and while some is organized, be prepared to spend a lot of time searching. And searching. They like their indexes in booklets placed in binders there. Preferably if the booklets were printed before 1957.

Stay tuned for more reports from the front lines of dissertating!

Days 4 and 5, the Rewind

Day 4. Our main objectives were 1) to support fellow grad student Chris, who was presenting a paper, and 2) to attend a soiree thrown in honor of AHA president Laurel Thatcher Ulrich in the evening. We did achieve both, and managed to squeeze in a little pool time. And a margarita.

Day 5, we did zero conference-related stuff. We had still not made it out to the beach, so Sarah's very nice, also-grad-student friend Emily drove us to Mission Beach, where we had a delicious brunch and walked along the pier. I felt mildly guilty about skipping those panels, until I went skipping around in the surf of the Pacific ocean. Then I just felt great.

Now I'm at the airport, wearing a sweatshirt in anticipation of northeastern coldness. I think the conference, and the time spent in San Diego, was very successful. Once I recover from this late-night flight I'll be posting a series of supplementary articles, including "How to Spot an Academic" and "Socializing with Grad Students: A Field Guide".